


Darkest Thoughts

by I_rely_on_you



Category: Fate: The Winx Saga (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Self-Doubt, Tumblr made me do it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-16 00:39:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29567634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_rely_on_you/pseuds/I_rely_on_you
Summary: Farah is having a moment of self doubt. Can anyone help her out of that dreadful maelstrom of despair?
Relationships: Farah Dowling/Saul Silva
Comments: 13
Kudos: 78





	Darkest Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [purplejellosg1](https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplejellosg1/gifts).



> I went a little angsty with this one so buckle in folks it's gonna get fluffy in the end  
> I stumbled upon this post on tumblr:  
> https://purplejellosg1.tumblr.com/post/643552656973053953/when-one-character-brokenly-says-i-have-nothing  
> Credit goes to darlingicarus  
> You have PurpleJelloSG1 to thank for this one as she was the one bringing this to my attention on tumblr  
> Thanks for that one dear, this is for u :-*
> 
> Happy reading!

Farah was sitting in her office at her coffee table. Recent notes and open folders littering the surface of the pristine tabletop in front of her. But she wasn’t focusing on her work anymore. 

Her mind having taken her to a different place. A different time entirely. A time of great suffering in her life. A time she would rather forget altogether. 

But honing and training her greatest weapon had made her incapable of forgetting. Her mind wasn’t just a safe. It was also a prison. 

It didn’t just keep track of all the wonders she had witnessed like the birth of one of her best friends children. Or how they had built Alfea the way it was today. A good school. A safe place for children to grow. A future. 

No. It was also a dungeon. Cold and dark filled with despair and suffering. All of her darkest secrets. All of the dirt locked away for her to come visit when she needed reminding of what she had done. What she was capable of. Genocide being one of them. 

Or becoming like her. 

It was why she had drifted off into this never ending tunnel of single minded focus in the first place. The thought had struck while she was grading papers. It was the swirl of her pen on the paper. It had looked like hers. 

It hadn’t taken more than that to make her follow that rabbit of a dark thought down into its burrow. And she was finding it more and more difficult to find her way back out of it. 

Was she really like her? Like that monster? Was it maybe not just the way she signed off papers and laid down signatures? Was it the way she detached herself from the children to not get hurt. To not get THEM hurt. 

Was it her cool exterior giving off that air of being untouchable that kept people at arms length. Was it why she was so alone? Why she never had a serious partner in all her years at this school. Was it the way she ran herself into the ground with work and preparations and keeping everything going. Keeping herself busy. So she wouldn’t dwell on the fact that she was getting older and feeling more alone with each year passing. Was it why nobody loved her? 

A pang in her chest had her stutter to a halt at that thought. 

It felt like something was pressing down on her chest but not in a suffocating manner. It was a gentle touch. A tickle of pressure holding on to her. Pulling her. But where? 

Seeing the signature on the papers in front of her had her grasp her head in frustration. Propping her elbows on her knees she leaned forward, covering her face with her hands. 

Her breathing changed and she could feel the onset of tears in the way her heart stuttered. 

Her mind circling the same thoughts over and over again. Was she like her? Had she become the monster she had feared for as long as she could remember? Had she drifted off of her path so severely that she couldn’t find her way back now? Was she lost? 

At this there was a noise at her door alerting her to another humans presence. He came walking down the corridor and stopped at her door abruptly, knocked two times and entered without waiting for a reply. 

Upon entering Sauls eyes settled on her hunched over form and he noticed the tears glistening in the low light, tickling down her chin and between her fingers. He was alert in an instant, rushing to her side in concern. Checking the room for intruders as he went. 

Coming to a quick halt next to her he crouched down on one knee by her legs and laid his hands on either side of her thighs. Trying to get a look at her face past her hands to find her eyes he moved his face close to hers, his breath wafting over her hands. 

“Farah what’s wrong? What happened?” he asked with urgency in his voice betraying his worry. 

Shaking her head the fairy mumbled into her hands so softly he couldn’t make out what she was saying. This was so unlike her. She didn’t cry. Not like this. 

Taking her hands in his carefully he pried her fingers away from her face, uncovering her soulful eyes brimming with sorrow. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears, looking defeated and hurt. So so hurt. The sadness in her hazel orbs making him almost lose himself in them. Making him almost drown in that ocean of misery. 

Finally coming to the realisation that it was Saul kneeling in front of her she tried to avoid his eyes. Breathing deeply she tried in vain to pull herself together. “It’s nothing. It’s stupid really.” Her words being cut off my small hiccups belying her words instantly. 

Getting closer to her he takes his hands from the sides of her thighs to lay them gently on her arms. Bending down a little further to catch her eyes he smiled softly saying “If it has you crying it is not nothing.” Taking one finger to lay it under her chin delicately he lifted her face slowly, mumbling “And coming from you it is certainly not stupid seeing as you are incapable of such thoughts.” 

Giving her an encouraging smile, his finger slick with her tears he stroked it softly from under her chin to the side of her face. 

Looking up into his eyes for the first time since he got here her lips trembled before whispering “How could anyone love me?” 

It felt like he had been hit in the face with a baton. The sting of her words so real he was sitting dumbstruck for a second. He hadn’t expected that. Whatever he had expected it wasn’t that. 

Not even noticing his shocked expression she rushed on “I have become so much like her Saul. I can barely stand my own face in the mirror anymore. It hurts.” Her words breaking off, her face crumbling as soft sobs overcame her form shaking her shoulders. 

His heart breaking for her he grasped her arms in his hands tightly. That she would be thinking such terrible things. That she would think so ill of herself. He hadn’t known the pain she was feeling. Hadn’t known what dark thoughts were plaguing her. Had he only known. 

Letting his hands glide from her arms to come up into her hair he took her face in his hands and pulled her towards him, kissing her gently. 

His lips slid over hers so tenderly. The barely there touch of soft skin made her melt into him. His mouth caressing hers he pressed into her gently. He could taste the salt of her tears on his lips as he pulled away. 

Her eyes were still closed when he looked at her again, her face softer, her lips forming an o shape of surprise. 

When she opened her eyes again slowly, she looked up at him. The look in his stormy greys making her gasp. It was a look she had never seen before. And now directed at her it made the air in her lungs falter. 

“Don’t you ever say that again.” he said while wiping her tears from her cheeks with his thumbs gently. 

There was a fierceness in his look. Like a fire burning. Simmering, waiting to be unleashed. 

Still wiping her cheeks with the pads of his fingers he whispered soothingly “Don’t you ever say something like this again about the woman I love.” 

Farah’s eyes widened at his words, her mouth hanging open in shock. 

Before she could even form a coherent thought in her head he continued. 

“Don’t ever say something like that again Farah.” His pleading eyes boring into hers, begging her to understand. “You are the light of my life and the only reason why I am standing before you today. You have saved my sorry behind on more occasions than I can count. You are the only thing keeping me going these days. The only reason I haven’t lost myself out there in all those years. You are my anchor Farah.” 

Giving her a gentle smile he stroked her cheek softly. “And I will be damned if I hear you speak of that wonderful being that you are like this ever again. This beautiful, kind hearted woman I have come to love over the last 30 years.” Seeing her tears flow freely over her cheeks again he pushed on. “I will not have it, you hear me?” 

Sobbing softly again but her features more relaxed than before now she nodded. Grasping his face in her hands and pulling him toward her, she touched her lips to his once more. And it was beautiful and soft and light like the smell of flowers on a drowsy spring morning. They could taste each other so clearly, the taste so new yet so familiar it was intoxicating. 

Slowing their kiss she touched her forehead to his gently. A wrinkle forming between her brows. Feeling her mood shift again he pulled away a little to look at her again. Frowning she stared at her hands bunching up his collar in between her fingers. A thoughtful and confused look overcoming her she looked up into his waiting gaze. “But.. but I have nothing to offer you.” 

She said it so fearfully her voice so small he almost chuckled at the absurdity of her words. 

Tilting her face back up to meet his eyes he smiled. “I didn’t think I would ever say this to you but that is where you are wrong.” Letting out a laugh at her puzzled expression he pecked her on her lips once more before staring at her, waiting for her to catch up to his meaning. 

Not seeing the penny drop yet he decided to help her out a little. “You are everything Farah.” 

This seemed to confuse her even further, making him chuckle in fond exasperation. 

“You are everything I have ever wanted. You are so breathtakingly beautiful inside and out it makes me want to ask the gods how they did it and lay worship at your feet every time I see you smile in my direction.” This made her blush and he kissed her on the cheeks, her nose, everywhere he could reach to feel that warmth. To soak it up and bask in it. Nuzzling her softly, with his nose in her soft honey coloured tresses he whispered in to her ear “You are my guiding light in the darkest times. You are my touchstone Farah. And I’m never letting you go again.” 

With this she felt his arms coming around her to encircle her. She grabbed onto his strong shoulders and crushed him to her in a fierce hug. Her chin coming to rest on his shoulder she pulled him towards her out of his crouching position and he had to get on both his knees to not tip over from the shift. 

Breathing hard from the sudden onslaught of emotion she felt from him she thought of something else. 

“That was you earlier wasn’t it.” she said. It wasn’t a question more of a conclusion than anything else. 

Nodding he slung his arms more firmly around her as if he was afraid she would vanish from his grasp if he didn’t hold onto her with all his might. 

“I was in my quarters when I felt it. Suddenly it got so dark around my mind like a veil covering the inside of my head. It was so powerful and the fear it brought with it was so startling I felt short of breath for a second.” He breathed it out like he was still in silent contemplation of what had actually happened back then. 

It made her sink her fingers into his hair at the back of his head as if wanting to soothe him with her touch. 

“But I knew it was you. I still don’t fully understand how I did it but I felt you through our bond. And I pulled.” Pausing for a moment he gathered his thoughts. “And I think it worked because the veil lifted for a moment. But that was long enough to come running.” Taking another moment to collect his thoughts he let out a small laugh. “Almost barrelled into your door as I felt it coming back. I couldn’t see a god damn thing.” His chuckle vibrated through her torso as much as his own, making her head bob a little on his shoulder. It brought a tiny smile to her own face. 

Pulling away a little she pushed her face into his jacket, pressing her nose into the soft material of his overcoat. 

“I’m so sorry Sa-“ she started but he cut her off. 

“No shh shhh stop.” He began to stroke her back it made her hum at how wonderful comforting his touch felt. 

He pulled away suddenly making her almost dizzy with the loss of contact. He took her face in his hands looking at her fiercely, his eyes boring into hers. 

“You are nothing like her. Nothing! You hear me?” Seeing tears spring to her eyes once more he kissed her again softly. Sorry for his outburst he kissed away her tears one by one. “What brought this on Farah? How can you even think that you have anything in common with that tormentor. That monster.” 

At this she blushed a little and looked to her stack of papers still resting on the table top in front of them. Following her gaze he turned around and looked at the sheets himself. Not understanding what he was looking for he turned back towards her with a furrowed brow. 

Puffing out a small breath of embarrassment she mumbled “It’s silly really. One of my signatures reminded me of hers.” 

Belting out a bark of laughter the man before her threw his head back in surprised mirth. 

Pouting at this she looked at his face as he fixed his gaze back on her, glee twinkling in his eyes. 

“Oh gods woman you drive me mad, you know that?” Grabbing her again he pushed his face into her crown kissing her on the head. 

Putting his arm around her side he turned toward the table bringing her with him. “Where? Show me where.” 

As she brought the piece of paper closer for inspection she pointed at her scribble at the bottom. Leaning his head over the document he chuckled again. “It does look a little like the old hags handwriting now that you mention it.” Turning back towards her he kissed her on the nose, a smile gracing his lips, before saying “Are you gonna land me in detention now too Madame Headmistress Dowling?” His grin betraying the use of her serious title. 

Laughing at his teasing she leaned back from him to whack him on the arm for his cheekiness. Still giggling she pulled him closer towards her. “Oh you would like that wouldn’t you.” Before slanting her mouth over his again in a sensual kiss. Groaning he scooted her back onto the couch a notch to generate a little room for himself to sit next to her. Taking her face in his hands again he slowed the kiss down to softer pecks. Coming up for air he bobbed her nose with his, grinning from ear to ear. Breathing a little harder he exclaimed “Well I would _now_. Back then not so much. Have you ever looked at that ghastly old mug of hers a little closer?” Feigning to gag at the memory he shuddered next to her making her laugh out loud. The sound carrying through the air between them, washing over him like rain after a perpetual drought. 

He felt as if the angels were singing, his smile growing soft as he was looking down at her. 

Feeling lighter than ever she pulled him close to her and pressed her face to his. Just sitting there breathing the same air, smiling like idiots she decided maybe it wasn’t all bad what Rosalind had done. She had brought them together after all, all those years ago. 

Feeling her mind turning he spoke the only truth he had ever known without a shred of doubt in his mind. “I love you Farah. And I will dedicate my whole life to telling you how different you are from her. Each day for the rest of my life if I must. Until you believe it.” 

She didn’t need to scan his mind to know that he meant every word. She felt his love and devotion in the air around him, his thoughts and emotions shouting it as if from the top of a hill for everyone to hear. 

Sighing softly she kissed him on the forehead before saying “I love you more than words can say.” Snuggling down a little further into his embrace she breathed out a sigh of relief. At knowing this incredible man loved her. Believed in her as she believed in him. 

Maybe it was true what they said. Maybe their bond was special in a way that only they could understand. Maybe they were fated. 

Kissing her on the cheek and leading a trail of smaller kisses down her neck he mumbled only for her to hear “Oh I bet I can make you say a little more than that.” 

Her cackling carried through the whole room and down the corridor as he continued down the neckline of her dress. 

They were gonna be alright. She knew that much. 

If she wasn’t sure before, she was now. 

_fin_

Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment and tell me what you think :-)


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